The Art of the Pole

Last week I finally made it to a pole dancing class. My beginner’s class was canceled so I was forced to go to the advanced class. I had no idea what to expect and lets just say it was a culture shock!

When I first went into the class I had the feeling I was amongst applicants for the local WACKOS! We were told to wear shorts, so I naturally put on my Nike workout running shorts, not my hot-pants underwear, which was the choice of most. One girl had on a purple and black lace bra with a see-through skimpy white top and matching purple and lace “shorts”. It left nothing to the imagination, especially when she was whipping upside down around the pole with her legs thrown apart into a split! I couldn’t help but think I should run up and put a 5-pound note in her underwear.

Then it was my turn! The instructor asked me how far along I was in learning different “tricks”. To which I replied “HUH??” So then she asked if I was “introverted”. To which I said “WHAT??” Then annoyed at how little I knew about pole dancing said, “Do you go upside down?” “HAHAHA NO!” She didn’t find this funny at all (it is a very serious business, this pole dancing).

She started me with the basic foundation Fireman’s step. It was simply swinging your legs and arms around the pole and sliding down as if you are on the playground. I, unfortunately, am so uncoordinated and lacking quite a bit of grace, found this move to be a major struggle! After trying a few more moves and “tricks”, to which I looked like a piece of limp spaghetti sliding down a pole, I decided to stand back and watch the others. And after watching the other girls seduce the metal pole, I was pretty certain I was at the warm up for a local strip clubs show that night.