A Breast Baring Beach

I have heard time and time again there is nothing like a hot summer day in the UK. When you are gritting your teeth trying your best to make it through that horribly wet, dark, freezing winter, there always seems to be someone whispering in your ear, “Just you wait for that hot English summer day! On a sunny day it’s the most beautiful country in the world!” And believe it or not, these past couple weeks I am beginning to believe what I thought were only myths, might actually be true. Every day for the past 14 days it has been red hot and without a cloud in the sky. In England, when the weather is this great the birds seem to be singing a brighter song, the people are skipping about licking ice cream cones, even the dogs have a little extra bounce in their step, and I seem to walk around with a blue bird on my shoulder! It is as if the entire country takes a break from life and soaks up the warm sunshine. And being the Floridian I am, I threw on my bathing suit, or swim costume as it is called here, and went running for the great Atlantic!

When I got to the beach I was shocked at how much it resembled the beaches in Florida! Every inch of white sand was taken up by sunbathers young and old stretched out on their beach towels desperately trying to turn that pasty white skin to a beautiful golden brown. Kids were splashing in the water while teenagers were further out trying their best to stay afloat while learning to kite surf. I couldn’t wait to join the massive crowd!  But as I walked closer to the beach I quickly began to think to myself, “Toto we aren’t in Kansa anymore!” I suddenly remembered I was now living in Europe, where these free thinking body lovers like to let it all hangout! My eyeballs kept trying to dodge the many grandmas with their breasts sagging in the open air showing the world what happens when gravity starts to kick in! Every time I tried to look away there was another set of wrinkling boobs staring me in the face! My inner 80 year old could not believe these older women would expose themselves in this nature, My 80 year old was dying to shout out to them to put some clothes on and cover those puppies up! It was just not a pretty sight. I couldn't help just standing staring with my mouth hanging wide open! This was utterly shocking to my conservative ways! I wasn’t sure how to react to this nudity! Then, I thought of a topless, southern, redneck, American beach and instead became quite thankful for the breast bearing British granny’s, because lord knows if it was legal to bare it all in the U.S., the UK grandmas wouldn’t seem so cringe worthy after all!